I apologize to any Oahu friends who are reading this and wondering why I didn't call. I flew to Oahu yesterday for some tests because of a "bad mammogram" last month, and although I really want to see every single friend here - I wanted and needed to spend time with my daughter. We finished her taxes and her financial aid stuff and had dinner and a walk to her favorite coffee shop (I was up all night - they told me it was decaf, too).
My stepmom and dad took me to the hospital here, waited through the diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound and then took me to lunch. I really appreciated having someone with me. I am a worrywart, you all do know that, but I didn't feel like the ultrasound went too well. At first the tech was answering my questions, pointing out cysts (no problem, he said), then he found the lump.
I said, "That's not another cyst, is it?"
"No," he said, "That's solid. It could be fibroedemous (not sure on the spelling there)." But then he got quiet as he scanned more - and asked me a few cancer related questions. Usually, they tell you - you'll either get a letter or a call (letter is good), but he stepped out to call the doctor - handed me a letter and said, "This doesn't say much, but someone will call you in a day or two."
It was a form letter which included check boxes and options like "Negative/No cancer" and "More tests needed." All that was checked off on mine was, "Follow up with provider."
Yeah, I am not feeling so sanguine about this. Those of you who are praying people, I am asking for prayers for a happy outcome. In the meantime, my overly worried mind is thinking how I can cook enough food to freeze or put up to feed the family for the next 6 + months, what else I need to stock up on to make it easier for everyone - cleaning supplies, toilet paper, etc. How will I work if the worst happens and I need chemo? What should I do with the horses? Should we sell some of the sheep? Can I stand to put in a garden if I can't weed it and no one else will do it? And, probably most stupidly - my hair is so long - it took so long to grow it, what if it all falls out?
I need to stop thinking about this. Have a few more hours with my mom and daughter and then I need to get to the airport to go home. I will need to make sure my HMO gives me an answer - if not today, then I will call on Monday.
Well, thanks for listening. Hopefully, I can just post next week and say, "There I was again - worrying for nothing!"
8 comments:
We have you in our thoughts and prayers. Southern California Kaiser Permanente has a fast-track diagnosis and treatment protocol called "No More Sleepless Nights". I hope your HMO has emulated that. God bless you.
Nancy - Take each step as it comes, I'll be praying for you.
Nanc,
Sorry I haven't gotten back to you, please know you are in my thoughts and I'm hoping for the best possible results.
((Hugs)) to ewe !
Hi NancyDe,
I'm sorry to hear about your recent news. I hope things turn out all right. I think that waiting for a diagnosis is the worst part of this process.
I'm not much of a praying person, but you will be in my thoughts.
All Best Wishes.
Nope, Barry, this Kaiser is not terribly concerned about how long it takes you to hear from them. I guess, just for me, I will have to be a bit more pushy than I usually like to be.
Chai Chai, thanks. I know - I really am a lot less consumed with it than the blog sounds - it was an off moment.
Deb: you have so much going on, no problem at all. Thanks for the hugs.
CT: Nice to see you back. Thanks for the positive thoughts.
Auwe! I strongly advise you to call Member Service ASAP! I would ask that the Chiefs of Service involved be asked to expedite your care. I worked in KP in Orange County for more than 32 years. Ask your doctors if they have learned about the No More Sleepless Nights protocol, and if they haven't, ask them to call their cohorts in KP Orange County. Have no hesitation to ask to speak with the Hawaii KP Area Medical Director in Oahu, if they aren't more resonsive. I'm sorry that I'm not working anymore [retired!]. I'd be all over he place to get your care expedited. Oh, yeah, don't fear any backlash, either, it justs sounds like somehow someone didn't see the test results.
God Bless you and your family.
Barry
The waiting is tough. I too have you in my thoughts.
You sound so much like me. I worry and plan for the worst, then when things are better than I'd thought, I kick myself for having put myself through that.
Just deal with what's in front of you. Everything else will fall into place.
Cyber hugs!
Thanks Barry - had no idea whom to call, if calling my clinic and/or "Breast Care Team" doesn't work. Just a bummer it was over a weekend, I suppose.
Thanks Tami. Most of the time I am not all that worried - just kind of don't like waiting - like waiting for my son's last college acceptance notification just about killed me. Now waiting for the financial aid is making me impatient, too.
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