I apologize to any Oahu friends who are reading this and wondering why I didn't call. I flew to Oahu yesterday for some tests because of a "bad mammogram" last month, and although I really want to see every single friend here - I wanted and needed to spend time with my daughter. We finished her taxes and her financial aid stuff and had dinner and a walk to her favorite coffee shop (I was up all night - they told me it was decaf, too).
My stepmom and dad took me to the hospital here, waited through the diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound and then took me to lunch. I really appreciated having someone with me. I am a worrywart, you all do know that, but I didn't feel like the ultrasound went too well. At first the tech was answering my questions, pointing out cysts (no problem, he said), then he found the lump.
I said, "That's not another cyst, is it?"
"No," he said, "That's solid. It could be fibroedemous (not sure on the spelling there)." But then he got quiet as he scanned more - and asked me a few cancer related questions. Usually, they tell you - you'll either get a letter or a call (letter is good), but he stepped out to call the doctor - handed me a letter and said, "This doesn't say much, but someone will call you in a day or two."
It was a form letter which included check boxes and options like "Negative/No cancer" and "More tests needed." All that was checked off on mine was, "Follow up with provider."
Yeah, I am not feeling so sanguine about this. Those of you who are praying people, I am asking for prayers for a happy outcome. In the meantime, my overly worried mind is thinking how I can cook enough food to freeze or put up to feed the family for the next 6 + months, what else I need to stock up on to make it easier for everyone - cleaning supplies, toilet paper, etc. How will I work if the worst happens and I need chemo? What should I do with the horses? Should we sell some of the sheep? Can I stand to put in a garden if I can't weed it and no one else will do it? And, probably most stupidly - my hair is so long - it took so long to grow it, what if it all falls out?
I need to stop thinking about this. Have a few more hours with my mom and daughter and then I need to get to the airport to go home. I will need to make sure my HMO gives me an answer - if not today, then I will call on Monday.
Well, thanks for listening. Hopefully, I can just post next week and say, "There I was again - worrying for nothing!"