Thursday, November 10, 2011

On Taking on More....

At what point is enough too much?  My life as a teacher and a mom, particularly with the shorter days and the rain we've had in the last week, is eclipsing the push for greater food independence.  I haven't seen the garden since Sunday morning.  I have no idea what the torrents of rain have done to my seedlings.  I stop briefly to glance at the sheep as I am driving out for the day - by the time I get home, I can see the ghostly outlines of the white sheep, blotches of the  paint horse, and  most of the big gray horse, but the black sheep are hidden in the murk.  I can only hope my husband is watering the greenhouse remnants, because by the time my 11 hour day is done and it is time to do laundry, help with homework, and cook, I am not thinking about those elderly tomato plants.... 

In fact, as I typed that last bit, I remembered I picked some tomatoes and placed them on the table while I hung laundry on Sunday - I think they are still there, because I haven't seen them in the fridge (which is actually bad news for the watering bit...) 

I do somehow make time to read, though, so it isn't like I have no time to myself.... it helps that we have SSR at school, but I also read before bed.  

My husband and I are contemplating a big step in our lives which would dramatically increase our commitment to our church (right now, all we do - rather badly because no one can find the time to practice together - is play music at one Mass on Sunday).  I am not closing any doors, but I do have to say, spending one weekend a month for the next five years sitting and listening sounds like Purgatory.  I like to learn; I love the Lord; I hate sitting and listening - give me a book and a pad of paper any day over any kind of lecture, meeting, or presentation.  I fidget, I doodle, and I fidget some more.  I am sure it looks highly disrespectful, even though I don't mean it to be. 

I have a high tolerance for fidgety kids in classrooms, because I know to the very itch in their toes how it feels to be them. 

So, I am left wondering if I am really worried about whether I am capable of putting in more time doing charitable works, etc. or if I am really dreading, completely and totally, the deadly prospect of sitting and listening. 

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